Simplify! Focus on the essential...

In the past few months, I've been going through all the extra stuff we have in our house. I've been amazed at how much stuff we have accumulated in the past five years of marriage.  Clothes, paper, homegoods, STUFF!  So I've been trying to keep in mind a few things while going through this purging - WHY is it sentimental, is this something we USE, will we have a NEED for it in the future?  Basically I'm trying to figure out what is essential and what is just space filler.

I've donated quite a bit of my clothing and am currently gearing up for a yard sale.  Someone's trash is someone else's treasure, right?!  (As I'm writing this I'm thinking I really ought to get back to looking through my "trash.")  I've been going room to room, looking through everything and I have to say that it feels really good when you make progress on simplifying your life.  Getting rid of the extra in our lives for others to use who may actually USE it feels great.  Why do I have so many coats anyway?  And candles?  Ok, so the power goes out here in our neighborhood more often than anywhere I've ever lived, but really?  It is a bit ridiculous to have this many candles!  I've also come to the realization that having so much stuff means that there is more to take care of and organize - meaning it takes more work to have more stuff.  And what I want these days is more time to enjoy my little ladies. 

Someone recently told me, "You guys don't live high off the hog."  I thought to myself, "That's an understatement" but I just smiled and agreed.  We have what we refer to as po' people cable TV and internet and just recently added texting to our cell phone plans (yes we're woefully behind and do not use the internet on our phones).  We eat out and/or go out maybe once every three months, don't even mention a weekend away or a family vacation.  We set low budgets for special occasions; well ok, except for our girls.  We recently "splurged" on an event that has been canceled, which was very disappointing to say the least, but at least the money will be refunded back to our credit card.  Simple living.  I actually don't find it very hard to live this way.  The "sacrifice" to live this way so that I can work only part time to be with my girls means more to me than what I see as "extras."

I have a magnet on our fridge that I have had for a while - since high school I think - "A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone." Henry David Thoreau.  It's funny that this struck me my junior year in high school.  I wish I had taken that advice to heart way back then.  But, we now have been trying to live within our means, live simply and focus on what is important.  I know there is more I can do, more I can get rid of.   It makes me want to get back to the task at hand and just keep purging our stuff.

But this "stuff" we have accumulated is not all.  I do need to work on simplifying my life in other areas too so that I can be sure to do what I need to for my family, focus on developing and maintaining friendships (I find that I am sorely lacking in this area, and I could blame it on being a mom, but I realize that I have never been good at this, probably since high school - my apologies to my friends), and also to maintain a focus on God.  How can I clear out my life, get rid of the stuff, to be able to focus on the essential - God, Family and Friends?  Maybe I could stop getting on Facebook so often and maybe use the phone to actually talk to friends, get up earlier to spend time in prayer, use my spare time for laundry and dishes and play with the girls, giving them my undivided attention instead of doing ten tasks at once. 

Simplify!  Focus on the essential and let the rest go!  The best way to do this is to examine what is important to you and then figure out how to eliminate the rest!

It's Ok to Fall, and It's Ok to Receive Assistance.

So, I went to reconciliation again  last night.  Ahhh, that feels better...  AAHH wait!!?!  I forgot to confess some things!  Have you ever done that?  Gone in with an idea of what you're going to confess, then get really focused on one or two things and then draw a big blank and only get through some part of your "list?"  Maybe I should have turned right around and gone back, but I guess those failings will have to wait until next go 'round.  I'm sure there will be more sins I can list in another couple of weeks.  Maybe it is time for me to go more regularly than the two or three times a year I go.  I could certainly use his mercy and grace more often these days!

At any rate, the recommendation of the priest tonight made so much sense to me, that I'm not sure why I didn't think of this myself.  Going to confession tonight not only gave me God's great mercy, grace and love, but it also gave me a fresh perspective on how to work through my current difficulties.  He simply said, "Don't piggyback everything on top of each other.  Take it one day at a time.  Deal with what you HAVE to."

"Don't piggyback!"  Ok, he probably knows me better than I think he does.  I definitely do this.  Maybe a lot of us do and that's why he recommended this for me.  One bad thing happens, then I worry about other things it could potentially lead to, and what may happen from there and on and on and on.  The freeflow thinking can be limitless when your mind gets rolling.  Stress abounds.  If I were to stop piggybacking, maybe I wouldn't exponentially increase my stress levels and get so angry or upset.  What a good recommendation! 

"One day at a time!"  Isn't that all we really can do?  While we can try to plan ahead, things don't always work out how we hope they will.  We have to learn to deal with the here and now.  Just take it as it comes.  Meet each day with it's hope and potential and do the best you can with it.  Another home run!

"Deal with what you have to!"  Let everything else that is non-essential just roll right off your back.  Sometimes taking such a limited approach seems like you are doing only what you have to in order to get by without going above and beyond.  But sometimes, even just doing only what you have to is what helps you to get through it all.  Sometimes taking on more than what is essential can be just too much.  Less is more.  I definitely like that one!

We all have our moments when we we fall.  Even Jesus did!  Think about that - Jesus who was truly God, but also truly man, fell under the burden of his cross.  Jesus has walked our walk, felt our pain, endured suffering, been tempted by the devil.  Yes, He IS God, but He knows what it is to be human.  We need to remember that when Jesus was carrying his cross up to Calvary, he fell, not once, not twice, but three times.  He got back up, and, perhaps more importantly, he received assistance - Simon helped him carry his cross - after the first time he fell.  I think sometimes our pride is hurt when we have to rely on others for assistance.  We like to feel like we can do it all.  Our society tells us that we should do it all.  But sometimes, we have to be humble enough to admit that it's ok to fall, and it's ok to receive assistance. 

Not only is it a good lesson for us - this learning that it's ok to fall and it's ok to receive assistance - but if you have children, as we do, it is a good lesson for them as well.  Our children learn from us, like it or not.  When they see us fail, they will see how we cope with that failure.  They will see us humbly admitting our faults.  They will see us learn how to get up again, pick up the cross and continue on.  They will learn how to accept the love and compassion from others who help us in our time of need.  They will learn that failure does not equal defeat.

So, don't feel like you to have to go it alone.  If there is a Simon in your life ready to assist you, don't be afraid to humbly take him up on it.  He may be able to lighten your burden.  And if you see no personal individual assistance at the ready, go to God.  Take it to Him and he will assist you, maybe in ways you never thought possible.

I AM a Servant, and I'm ok with that.

I have to say, that it's been a rough couple of weeks since I blogged last.  I fulled intended to continue to write every week, even after Lent finished, but it just has not happened.  Here's the story why:

I ended up not making it to the Triduum at all.  I think it may have been because our oldest daughter had developed a weird rash and we didn't quite know what it was; we had gone to the doctor's and were treating it with Benadryl and Tylenol.  I thought it may be better to not bring her out and possibly expose others (if it were something still contagious), and the night before I had a hard time getting both of them to go to sleep (had to look at my FB status updates).  On Good Friday, by the time I got home from work, both girls were sleeping.  Seemed like a bad idea to wake them for mass at 3pm and I know the dramatic reading at 7pm would have been too scary if it was anything like it has been the past few years.

On that Saturday we went to a wake for my Great Aunt Angie - my mom's Aunt - that we had just seen on Palm Sunday at a memorial for my Great Aunt Gert.   Aunt Angie looked pretty good on Palm Sunday, although it would seem that she just hid it well and didn't like to complain!  She died the following day having spent time with her family and her sister's friends.  It's been a strange year - so far, three of my mom's aunts and my dad's mom all passed away in the span of four months.  Good grief!

Easter was actually very nice with our girls.  Unfortunately, I had a hard time paying attention at mass.  I really hate it when that happens, but on Easter Sunday!  *sigh*  I think I assumed I knew what the readings would be and didn't take the time to prepare, which means I have a hard time remembering what was read and what the homily was pointing out for us.  Very disappointed in myself.  But we had a very nice day and a great time visiting with my family and with my hubby's family too!  (We always split the holidays since we are fortunate to live so close to both sides of our families.) 

The Monday after Easter we had the funeral for Aunt Angie and the rest of the week quickly became a blur because both of my daughters' coughs that they developed became worse, they were getting sick and having a hard time sleeping.  So I started with the humidifier and I ended up waiting until Saturday to bring them to the doctor's office.  My older daughter looked fine and I was to continue with the Benadryl and Tylenol.  The eight month old was sent for a chest x-ray, was put on an antibiotic and I was told to resume the nebulizer treatments.  Of course, she waited to give us a really hard time with keeping nothing down until AFTER the appointment.  We went from Saturday until Monday morning with her not being able to really take anything except apple sauce.  Wonderful.

So on Monday we headed to the doctor's and then had to bring her to the ER for IV fluids.  Poor thing was not happy about the needle and then was even more mad she couldn't reach her thumb because her arm was straightened out.  But the IV fluids seemed to have done the trick.  She started keeping the formula down!  As a side note, as a result of not being able to breathe very well due to the cold/cough, her first nursing session of the day had been a lot shorter than usual for the previous week.  So after the ER experience, over the next few mornings, she would scream after her only nursing feeding of the day (I had weaned her to just one) so I would supplement with a bottle.  But we dropped that last feeding altogether.  I think it has made me miss that special bonding time more than I expected it to. 

We celebrated my birthday as a family on Wednesday of last week, while Hannah was still recovering, then spent time together unexpectedly again on Friday, my actual birthday!  It was nice my husband was able to leave work early, albeit because he had now developed the cold/cough from the girls.  We celebrate Mother's Day for me every year on Saturday so that we can spend time with each of our moms on Mother's Day.  We took a trip out to Hampton Beach.  You can read about part of our experience that night at my husband's blog if you want.  It was a nice night out to dinner as a family - something we don't do very often - with an interesting side show.

I know, excuses, excuses, huh!?  Yes, I haven't blogged in a while, but I am back.  I posted a quote on May 1st on FB for the beatification of Pope John Paul II:  "To maintain a joyful family requires much from both the parents and the children. Each member of the family has to become, in a special way, the servant of the others." - Pope John Paul II  So, from time to time, when there are things I must take care of for my family, I may take a short hiatus from my writing.  I AM a servant for my girls and, yes, even for my husband, and I'm ok with that.

Weird Pang

I actually had no intention of blogging tonight.  "Too much to do," I thought to myself today.  "Maybe later in the week I will have the opportunity."  But here I am.

Tonight (ok Monday night since it is now Tuesday morning) I went to Mass, the first Monday of Holy Week.  It was being offered for the repose of the soul of my memere and, as I've said, praying for her is something I want to make a priority.  I have prayed for her already during private prayer but I was appreciative of the mass being offered for her and wanted to be there with the family.  So after getting Alicia to take a nap, picking up the house, waking Hannah to eat, then waking Alicia to head out the door, I made it to my parent's house.  We ate supper and off we went to church.

Both of the girls are really good in church, so, knowing that my aunts and uncles would probably want to sit up front, we headed up to the second pew, walking by our parish priest and one of the five seminarians (YES THAT'S RIGHT FIVE) from our parish who happens to be home for Holy Week.  My whole family, parents included, pretty much always sit in the last pew in church in case we need to make a quick exit to the "cry room."  So anyway, after a quick prayer, worried that Hannah would start fussing, I took Hannah out of the car seat and we sat there in the silence as people trickled in.

Since the church was fairly empty, Hannah's cooing sounded louder than usual.  I smiled and did try to hush her a few times, but it wasn't so bad really.  There was a young couple behind me that she was smiling at, and another parishioner she grinned at a few rows back that we know from the Coming Home program my husband and I are a part of.  When Mass started she started looking around during the singing, then during the readings she seemed to want to face forward.  Usually, maybe because we are in the back, she has no interest really in seeing what is going on.  "Well that's funny, " I thought.  Then Alicia came over and snuggled up next to me during the homily.  "Maybe going to Mass just the three of us wouldn't be so bad," I thought to myself.  "I guess I should have at least tried it once during Lent." 

After the gifts were brought up, I sent Alicia down to sit with her memere and pepere and headed to the cry room with Hannah to change her and give her the last bottle of the night since she was starting to show signs of becoming fussy.  I wasn't sure if the timing would allow me to go up to receive communion, but I thought I had a shot at it.  But as I was feeding her, I realized that I wouldn't be going and I felt a weird pang in my heart, a dull ache if you will.  "Well, this is something that I have never felt before."  It dawned on me as I sat alone in the "cry room" with Hannah, that I was sad that I wasn't going to communion.  Could it be that suddenly I realized what I was truly missing by not going for communion?  After all this time of not being sure that I truly "get" transubstantiation, that I actually do realize that it IS in fact Jesus that we receive?

I've been thinking about trying to get to the Triduum with my little ones: mass on Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Easter Vigil.  The only thing is, if I do go to mass on Holy Thursday, this may be the first time I head to mass with just my girls.  As I said above, it may not be as bad as I've imagined it to be.  Good Friday my husband will not be working so I'm pretty sure he'll be there and I think that for now the Easter Vigil will be too long for our littles ones, so we'll probably all be together at church on Sunday morning as usual. 

But just maybe, I will head to Holy Thursday, even if it is just myself and the girls.  I wonder if it happens again that I cannot go up for communion, will I once again feel that weird pang?  What was once something I knew in my head, now seems to be transmitting to my heart.  God is certainly revealing His mysteries to me in marvelous ways.

Knock it Off!

When I checked the temperature gauge in my minivan this afternoon it read 78.  What a gorgeous day it was today in NH!  A perfect day for going to confession.

Yes, confession!  This is a sacrament that is maligned.  I think that sometimes it keeps some people from returning to the Church, when they learn that we haven't done away with this one.  And contrary to what some people may think, it is a beautiful sacrament.  Yes, that's right, beautiful.  Some of you may be thinking, "Confessing my sins, beautiful?"  Yes, the mercy of our God is beautiful.  Going to Him with a humble heart, admitting our faults is beautiful.

We all have our reasons for not going to confession; some people feel they can go directly to God, others aren't even ready to forgive themselves; still others feel they are confessing the same things every time.  I fall into the last category: there are things I struggle with time and time again, but at least, most of the time, I'm not adding new shortcomings.  The last time I went was just before the birth of my now seven month old daughter.  Which is FAR too long ago for me.  I'm not going to get into listing my sins here, that's between me, the priest, and God.  (This is actually a good place to point out that part of the reason for going to a priest is because we don't just hurt God when we sin, but we hurt the community, the Body of Christ, when we sin.) But I do write this blog trying to give witness to living out my Catholic faith.  I hope that my writing conveys how I am trying to live my life.  I am in no way trying to be showy or believe that I am better than anyone else who does not go to church, or to confession for that matter.  But I have to say that going to confession today has left me feeling free, unburdened.  His mercy can work wonders if we let it.

The problem is that sometimes we try to hide our true selves.  We say something that is only a partial truth to look good.  We don't tell it like it is.  Take Lent for example:  I could say that I've been doing everything I set out to do, but that wouldn't be the truth.  I took on a lot this season; I'm not sure why I didn't focus on just a few things.  But I have failed (should have confessed this tonight but I had other things on my mind - maybe I will have to go back again later this week). 

• I intended to take my girls to mass one morning a week and one evening every week in addition to Sunday mass.  Hasn't happened. 
• I intended to read through the Catechism of the Catholic Church on the Creed.  I started to do this during the evenings, but find the material dry and difficult to read at night, so this is something I will have to find time for during the girls' naps as time allows.  Instead, I did start reading the Matthew Kelly book, "Rediscover Catholicism" which is a more light read and very interesting. 
• Other things I took on: Writing Wednesdays (it doesn't always happen on Wednesday but I have been blogging once a week),
• no TV Thursdays (when Alicia was sick I renegged on this one for her, but she's been doing it every Thursday since) and
• no FaceBook Fridays (ok, so once I completely forgot I was logged in and one time I forgot it was Friday - it is such a habit!). 

The point I'm trying to make here is that trying to "look good" with God, doesn't work.  He knows it all.  The reading from the Gospel a few weeks ago was John 4: 5-42 the story of the Samaritan woman at the well.  As Jesus is conversing with her he says "Go call your husband and come back."  The woman answered and said to him, "I do not have a husband."  Jesus answered her, "You are right in saying, 'I do not have a husband.' For you have had five husbands, and the one you have now is not your husband.  What you have said is true." (Jn 4:16-18)  Jesus doesn't mince words here.  He speaks the truth back to her plain as day.  He's basically saying, "I know you've had five husbands and the guy you're shacked up with isn't your husband.  Knock if off lady!"  God knows all, so there's no reason to be cute and play games with God.  He knows the truth.  Confession allows us to go own up to it.  "Knock it off!"  Jesus says.  Are we open enough to answer him with the truth he already knows?

Hope Doesn't Disappoint

This weekend while at a funeral mass for a friend's loved one, these words rang true to me during the homily.  "Hope doesn't disappoint!" The priest was advising those present to not mourn or grieve like those who have no hope.  We must keep hope alive and as a Catholic we find that hope in the Eucharist.  "Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life." John 6:55   The priest said that the Eucharist is not food and drink for saints; it is there to nourish us!  Praise God!

For anyone going through difficult times, hope is crucial.  Whether it is mourning the loss of a loved one, financial difficulty or a long awaited miracle, we must look ahead toward better days with hope.  If we don't have hope, we can become filled with self-pity or despair.   Every night, our almost three year old "reads" a book called, "The blue day book."  It is a short story that goes through what blue days are, accompanied by cute and silly pictures of all kinds of animals.  There is a part that talks about that hope, "The world is full of amazing discoveries, things you can't even imagine now.  Who knows what fantastic things are in store just around the corner?"

We all must wait in anticipation for what's to happen next and I think it is important for us to realize, WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL.  While we can try to position ourselves for the best possible outcome, God is the one in control.  When I worked at NH Catholic Charities, I heard the saying, "Let go and let God!"  I had never heard it before then, and didn't ever really have any reason to think about this saying more.  But I find myself thinking about it often these days.  We can do our best to "plan" our lives and prepare ourselves or do it OUR way, but God's plan is way better than anything we can even imagine.  We have to trust and hope in Him.

Yet another sign we watch a bit too much TV, there is a song in the Veggie Tales Movie "Josh and the Big Wall" that is relevant here:


The Lord has given this land to us
No need to fuss, He knows what He's doing
We know that He will take care of us
If we will follow Him.

For anyone struggling through a difficult time right now, know that God DOES have a plan for you.  He WILL take care of you.  Just trust in Him and follow him.  God has given us the gifts of faith, hope and love. 

Go to the Eucharist for nourishment and know that HOPE DOESN'T DISAPPOINT!

Let's Get More Ashes!

Since our little girls have been sick, the past two weekends I have gone to Mass without them.  I have come to the discovery that when they are not there, I actually am able to focus and pay attention, but I missed them so much, that in itself was almost a distraction.

Being distracted during Mass is something that I constantly struggle with these days.  I suppose with two little children, this isn't all that surprising.  I used to worry more about the older daughter being a distraction to others, but she has been much better and she always sits with her memere, so I'm off the hook on that score.  (Ok, so maybe she isn't better and I just don't realize it since someone else is always watching her in church.  My mom will have to weigh in on that one. She does periodically come to my end of the pew and peer at her sister or lean up against me, but it isn't very often!)  Our six month old usually needs me to walk her around in the back of the church to keep her somewhat quiet.  I try to avoid the "cry room" as much as possible, mostly because it is very crowded during 10:30 Mass, but in part because the kids in there are doing whatever they want with very little supervision.  Maybe those parents are able to focus more on the Mass than I am and that is their main concern rather than whether or not their children are paying attention. 

For some reason, this has me thinking about the sacrament of Baptism along with weekly attendance at Mass.  Now, I know that there are some people who will bring their infants to Church for their baptism and then not be back until their first communion.  Quite frankly, I don't get the point.  Baptism is not just claiming the child for Christ or a merely to ensure that if, God forbid, something happens the child will go straight to heaven.  By having your child baptised you are initiating them into the Catholic Church, standing before God saying that you believe the Catholic faith and will be passing that faith on to your children.  If you are not going to Church regularly, do you really understand your faith?  And if you are not going to Church, why is it important to you to have them baptised into the faith?  I just don't get it.

I have friends who have said that a child doesn't get anything out of going to Mass, but I have to differ.  My two year old daughter seems to enjoy Mass every week, even if there are times where she seems to try to do everything possible to get out of the pew!  She pays attention when the procession goes up to the altar, she dances around to the songs, puts the envelope in the basket.  Just this Lent, my two year old on Ash Wednesday left Church telling me, "That was a good one, let's get more ashes! That was a very, very good one at church!  I talked to Gary!"  It occurred to me that she is getting something out of Mass, yes, even at the age of two.



our six month old on Ash Wed.