Waiting Game

I think I've mentioned this before, but I am definitely someone who does not like things to be up in the air.  I have a hard time dealing with the unknown and probably am a bit of a control freak.  Sound familiar?  Well, the past few weeks I had managed to do pretty well dealing with the unknown.  Of course just as I was feeling like I was doing much better, at least in one realm of my life, here we go:  towards the end of last week I was full of anxiety, waiting to hear on some potential good news.  It isn't even MY news, per se.  How can someone else's news fill me with such anticipation?

God seems to want me to learn something here.  I keep reminding myself daily of the phrase, "Let go and let God."  Let's say it again, "Let go and let God."  There are days where I have that trust and believe God will give me and my family what we need.  Then there are days where I spend hours on end, feeling like I am waiting on pins and needles, heart beating a little faster, hoping beyond hope that our dreams will be coming true soon.

I guess I need to know that whatever WE think the plan is, that HE knows what is best for us.  Boy is that waiting game tough though.  The minutes seem to tick by so slowly, hours seem like days.  I jump when my phone buzzes with a text message or it rings, hoping that it is the much anticipated, potential good news.  Still nothing.  Then I start telling myself, "No news is good news."  And then I think, I am tied up in this "news" and it isn't even mine.  Just stop dwelling on it!!!

But even though it isn't mine, I find I'm still trying to muddle through.  Still playing that waiting game.  God has given me many blessings and I know that the future holds still more blessings.  I tend to get ahead of myself sometimes, which is definitely NOT a good thing.  I need to learn to live more in the present, stop trying to plan out the future.  After all, HE is in control, not me.  Hopefully lessons learned today, will be help for the future.  I just get so impatient sometimes.  And I feel like some good news would boost our spirits some.  We could really use that boost!

This weekend at church we celebrated the anniversary of the dedication of the new church that was built eleven years ago. Here is what Fr. G reminded me during his homily: Jesus Christ is our foundation! If He is placed at the center of our lives and we build our lives on Him, then we will be able to face any challenge that comes our way. Prayer and devotion to our Lord is key. If I find myself worrying needlessly, I just need to give it to up to Him.  God knows what is in store, so the waiting game is really all up to Him.

Wondrous Wednesdays (1)

In the spirit of gratitude, I’m going to start listing wondrous things happening in my world every week on Wednesday.  I chose to list three things because Wednesday is the third day of the week.  If you are a blogger and want to list what you are grateful for, feel free to do the same on your own blog every week and please be sure to link back to my blog.   If you are not a blogger, feel free to comment with your own three wondrous things you are grateful for on Wednesday. 

I'm guessing it may take some time for people to start doing this with me, but I'm going to give it a try anyway... 

For me this week:

(1)

Feeling pretty blessed for all God has given me in my life: wonderful parents, a caring sister, a loving husband, two beautiful daughters, a great extended family.  God is so good to me!  He provides, He shows the path.  He humbles me any time I have my "plan" because His is so much better than mine ever has been or ever could be.

(2)

Our parish priest is undergoing a move of his own to a parish on the seacoast at the end of this month, which in some ways is really great.  His reflections the past few weeks parallels our lives and is helping me to realize that despite our upheaval that I am content, more so than I thought I'd be.  I'm grateful that God has blessed us with such a wonderful priest for the past 18 years (ok, so part of this time I was away from the church) and that, sorry St. K's parisohers, his move is happening so near to ours.  It is a consolation to me and I think he's helping me to see that I am doing alright and am managing to keep things in perspective.  We will miss him for sure but what a true blessing he is and has been!

(3)

As difficult as it has been, and as much "stuff" as we kept, this transition was a great time to simplify.  We have what Fr. G would refer to as "downward mobility" which really isn't all that bad.  Who needs upward mobility anyway!?  I think I have quite a ways to go to have truly simplified my life.  There is much more paring down that needs to be done.  Lots of project work ahead for me.  But this first round went pretty well.  We will continue to work on round two while we live with my parents and hopefully will have a round three just before we leave for our own place.  But this has been a good opportunity to look and say, "WOW!  Look at all this stuff!  Let's not do THAT again!"

Dragged by the Nose or Led by the Heart*

So this Sunday I was completely inattentive at Mass.  For some reason Alicia decided to sit near me and she drove me to distraction.  I can't even really recall what it was she was doing.  The few things I do remember is that from the opening song, where she was lying down in the pew, I wanted her to at least SIT.  It was a struggle to say the least.  Holding Hannah with Alicia sitting next to us didn't work well for my participation or mental presence during Mass. 

At one point Alicia wanted her crackers and then Hannah had to have some. Alicia started feeding Hannah some and then I did a few, at which point totally without thought, I ate the rest of one of the goldfish that Hannah had because, well, it was crumbling into small pieces.  The second I put it in my mouth I thought, oh no.  I can't go to communion now.  What the...  Having missed mass last week and messing up my chance for communion this week, I was torn because I really wanted to just go up and receive communion like it was no big deal.  But it IS a big deal - this is THE LORD!  So what did I do?  I went up with everyone during communion, when I got to Fr. G I just crossed my hands over my chest for a blessing and went back to my seat.  *sigh* 

So today I thought, what did Fr. G talk about during the homily anyway?!  I couldn't recall the readings at all and knew that I probably only heard one or two words he said during his homily.  Thankfully, our parish puts the homilies online for later listening.  I definitely needed to revisit what happened.  I was really glad I did.  (I should probably go back and check out the readings too!)

The gospel reading was the passage where Peter was walking on the water during a big storm and the second he took his eyes off of Jesus and focused on himself and his surroundings, he started sinking. 

So, our pastor talked a lot about change, stormy times.  Definitely appropriate with what's going on in our lives right now.  And definitely appropriate with what is taken place in his life as a pastor and our collective life as a community.  It amazes me how he always strikes a chord with me and can speak to what's happening in my life.  I will miss that about him. 

I know that right now, I'm purposefully not focusing on myself and my surroundings, my situation.  There is not much good that would come of it.  I am trusting that God has a plan for us.  So, right now we live with my parents.  Sometimes stuff happens that you don't intend.  I don't want to get "caught up in the drama" as Fr. G put it.  I refuse to be led by the nose.  Rather, I want to be led by the heart.  I know that I have love surrounding me.  I know that I need to keep my focus on the Lord.  He will show us a path; we need to trust in Him, not look at ourselves and our situation, panic and lose focus.  He will help us through the storms.  HE has a plan.

Fr. G also mentioned our old church back on Wason Road and likened it to a wooden dinghy with cracks and leaks and our new church to a beautiful luxury liner, although not without it's own problems and storms.  The part that struck me most from his homily:  "It's not the vessel, but it's the wind in the sails - the Holy Spirit.  Not a well charted plan it is trust in the One who leads us."*  This is what is important.  Not the house where we live, not a plan that we chart.  What is important is trusting in God.  This is what gives me hope.

*Fr. Gary Belliveau, 8/7/11