So, for the most part I had been doing really well with waiting on searching for a home. Then all of the sudden, WHAM, I decide to take a look at properties online. Now, I keep telling myself that we need to save money, we NEED to wait. Then I see a few potential “houses” in our price range and I start to get all excited that maybe we CAN do this now. But with little to no money saved, deep down I know that it is not our time yet. God is trying to teach me the virtue of patience.
Our society is definitely one that tells us, if you want it, go for it. No time like the present. If you want something to happen, then YOU have to make it happen. And conversely, if you think you can't, you can't. But deep down we know when something isn't the right thing to do, don't we? We know when sometime is not the right time. I think what we miss in this process of "making things happen" is that we miss out on what the opportunity would have been had we waited, had we done what's right. God has a plan for us. Why don't we wait? Why this instant gratification?
I think we can all look back on something in our life and say if only I had waited. Yes, hindsight is 20/20 but if we just admit that there is a right way to do things and a wrong way, I think we'd all be better off. I'm not saying this to be preachy. Just as an example, in my past, I dated all the wrong guys, guys I knew that were not at all someone I could see myself marrying, all because I was lonely. To be honest all that dating the wrong guy so that I wasn't lonely made things worse because eventually I would feel lonely AND USED. I know now all that heartache I went through was to get me to my husband, to be able to truly appreciate the man that he is. But those were tough times. I guess what I'm saying is that, regardless of whatever decision we are facing, we all are going out there and grabbing at what we THINK we need. We don't wait to truly discern what it is that God is trying to prepare us for.
We need to trust Him more. This whole trusting God's plan thing, I do alright with for a while. Then I suddenly start to think, "What is it I'm waiting for? Shouldn't I be DOING something?" In all honesty, right now, I am doing what I need to be doing. Humbling myself to admit that we need some help and we need some time to regroup. Praying and discerning what it is that God has planned for our family's future. I think that this is almost the best outcome of having humbled ourselves, is that we are trying to let God show us the path. I know he has something better planned for us. Not easier necessarily, but something better than we were dreaming up in our minds.
I'm sure there are people who know our situation and think, "There is no way. I would never move back in with my parents with my husband and young children. NEVER!" But what was the alternative? Continuing on in the situation, living with no savings, unable to make ends meet, struggling and building up credit card debt that we have worked so hard to eliminate? Or maybe finding a place to live that would work better with our budget, but in a horrible neighborhood with a poor school system as our girls continue to creep up on their school years? That is something I would NEVER do, just to save my pride. We have to think of what is best, what is the right thing to do and not what would make us look strong, independent, or gritty. We have to realize that sometimes we do not have all the answers. God does.
As I said, this has not been an easy situation, not on my parents, not on myself, my husband or our relationship as a couple. However, I truly believe that in the end we will be in a situation that will help us to meet our goals for our family's future. That is what keeps me going, knowing we are doing the right thing. Knowing that we are looking to God so that, in His time, He can lay His plan out there for us to follow.